Crayons have a nice smell
I was wandering through a toy shop in Houston when I spied a wall of Crayola crayon sets. All the golden yellow boxes with the lovely colours illustrated were very enticing, and I bought a flip-top box of 64 (with built-in sharpener).
I used to have a Crayola writing desk. It was yellow moulded plastic with slanted board to lean on that could be flipped to become green blackboard. It was great. I used to store lots of paper inside it and there were built in wells for a box of chalk, board rubber and crayons. I was bought some Rose Art crayons but they were simply not the same. Even at a young age I could see that they were but a pale imitation of the glorious Crayolas, i.e. I was brand aware at 8.
I was very pleased with my Texan crayons but I did not really draw with them very much. I just liked taking them out and reading the names on their wrappers and comparing the colours. There are many colours I particularly like but I have no favourite. Purple Heart is very pretty along with Periwinkle and Midnight (Prussian) Blue. One of my favourite things to do in life is to arrange a mixed up selection of crayons, pastels, pencils, paints etc into colour graduated order. Starting with white, then yellow, orange, red, purple, blue, green, ochre, brown through to black. The names of current crayons bother me. They got rid of simple names like lemon yellow, green blue or raw umber because they thought kids would find them boring. Boring? Replacing them with things like Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown, Macaroni and Cheese or Jungle Green is not going to make any difference. You rummage through the box or ice cream tub you have them in to find the right colour for what you need, you don’t read the label then decide. Sure, the names can be educational or representational but Fuzzy Wuzzy? Eugh.
“Crayola crayons take us all back with their fondly remembered look, scent and feel on paper.” Excellent article from Smithsonian Magazine: The Colors of Childhood
Favourite crayons? If you were a crayon colour, which would it be?
I still remember when at the age of 5 I coloured in two pairs of shoes to show I understood the concept of sets and halves. I coloured one set blue, the other red. They were big, stumpy crayons, easy to grip. Except I got a bit carried away. I was colouring merrily away when I went outside the lines. Uh oh. I tried to correct my mistake by going slowly but it just got worse. I hid my maths workbook behind my fringed, embossed pencil case (courtesy of Gran Canaria) and sank down in my wooden seat in shame. At the end of the lesson I had to show my teacher what I had done so she could mark it. I knew I was in big trouble and I was not wrong. The teacher actually spoke to my parents about my work. It was awful. I was trying so hard, and it’s not like I did messy scribbling on a regular basis so I have come to remember my treatment as rather harsh. My Dad drew things for me in pencil on squared paper and showed me that first I had to shade around the inside edge of the shape then fill in the middle. The trauma is still with me. I should thank that teacher for turning me into such a wildly sucessful artist.
Crayola also produce Silly Putty. This was to be seen bouncing off walls, windows and heads during my Primary school years. I followed the instructions on the packaging and produced copies of comics from newsprint and did the thing where you trapped a pocket of air inside it and squidged it in your hand. It made excellent popping and farting noises and Silly Putty was hence very popular amongst my classmates. It also provided a precursor to the deviant life I would eventually live.
From the ages of about 5 to 12 I was very into Barbie. I did not have many but around the age of 10-12 I used to enjoy hosting soirees with Barbie, Princess Laura (AKA Jewel Secrets Whitney), Skipper and Action Man. In an orgy. Skipper was not really invited to these events, being underage and all. My favourite thing to do was hide in my room behind my wardrobe door and set up various scenarios for my toys to get some lurve. One Barbie was quite the trend setter with a pink fringe (courtesy of Inscribe felt tips) and Princess Laura had a cool tiara that could be used as a belt. Their waists were that small. Anyway, Action Man would be decked out in BDU or a flight suit and I would make the girls slowly unzip him and slide his clothes off. Then it would get really crazy. I would not really do much action involving Action Man but I would use my “flesh-coloured” Silly Putty to give the Princess a rather disturbing strap on. Then she and the Barbie(s) would get down to it, whilst Action Man watched or joined in. A strange child grew into a strange adult aka monky.
These are amusing, scarily expensive and disturbing all at the same time:
Barbie Collector (“Modern Circle… This cutting edge collection features Barbie as an independent film producer with a flair for fashion and a crush on Ken, a brooding artist with super stylin’ colored hair streaks and a “thing” for Melody, the bright blue haired sweetheart, and then there’s Simone, an exotic makeup artist who’s always dressed to impress!”)
If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
Barbie Bazaar
Susan’s Dolls
Margie’s Dollhouse (Mulder and Scully Dolls)
Old Joe Infirmary (GI Joe and cool medical dolls)
Band of Brothers Action Figures: Wishbook Toys
