Ever get the feeling that your face is just a warm mask? You know you look unhappy, your face is fixed in a downward way, eyes staring into space in the neutral zone, or downcast towards the pavement? Feels foreign, like it’s floating over your muscle structure? Maybe it’s just me. I have one of those naturally grumpy faces. So when i’m relaxed and not particularly bothered by life people express concern, but when I am feeling unhappy no questions are asked. I look after other people, i’m not the one going to be the one to cause the concern.
“You should live happily ever after, you’ve got a big heart, you’re intellegent, you’re great…” Yeah, that’s a clincher there. What a catch.
“Oh, you’re having problems in your 6 month long relationship?” I’ll be very concerned and try to help yet internally I am “somewhat” dismissive.
I get esteem-boosting (ego massaging) compliments from people I don’t seek them from and I create “perfect” evenings but I still feel fairly undervalued and inconsequential. I should be content within myself with having to resort to others to give me self worth. All this I know. It’s just nice to feel good about myself and that I am intellegent/attractive/interesting once in a while, even if it is all selfish bullshit. I give not to receive but because I’m there for the long haul, I care a hellalot. I may complain about being there for people, but I can’t imagine not being there.
Such is the life of a Monky.
