Monthly Archives: October 2005

Glen Jones and X.Ray Burns 30th October MP3 Stream… fabulously spoooky opening few records…

I had to bin some pics… I was uncontrollably laughing in my latex whilst listening to Glen and X.Ray discussing who would win in a fight between Hulk Hogan and Jesus Christ.

I can’t remember what was decided. I just have rememberance of hysteria.

What’s A Modern Girl to do? Well, long to be rescued financially, buy boudoir-ish clothing and find someone more intelligent than themselves so that he doesn’t feel intimidated and thus keeps his manhood intact.

NYT: What’s A Modern Girl to Do?

This is my favourite photograph from my new lucha book. Mini-Chewie… He’s actually called Alushe “de Pelushe” (Alushe, the one made of felt).

LuchaWiki: Alushe

Yeah. Special Halloween Spazzing

I had a piece of pumpkin cake today; very nice indeed. I used to have a fear of carrot cake but have discovered it is quite tasty, and pumpkin cake is sort of similar, but actually more tasty. Mmmm. Carmack-ing.

Empire Strikes Back as one long animated gif

A New Hope rendered as one animated gif. Genius.

I had my first incident of class rampage last week. I learnt an important lesson- Do not presume that Year 11 will stay put if you leave them unattended for 20 seconds.

I am now attatched to a class as their form tutor-in-training and as usual went to their lair for second registration to make sure they were all present and reasonably correct. I get there, they’re all behaving reasonably, doing the usual lounging, sitting on tables, mocking and “high jinks” (read fighting) etc but not too bad overall. I sit at the front of the class awaiting the form tutor to arrive from his classroom duties so I can take the register if required and watch what he does when in front of the class.

So I sit, I wait, time passes, the class starts to get rowdy, still no tutor… “Can you take the register Miss?” “Can we go Miss?” I reply in the negative and that we must wait until the tutor gets there; I shouldn’t be left unattended either. When it gets to the end of the school day the class is starting to get seriously antsy, so I move boys from another group attempting to invade the classroom and go to find the tutor. He’s 10 seconds away in the staffroom dealing with “an incident.” I ask if he would like me to take the register as he is busy to which to responds in the affirmative, so I take the big blue book back around the corner to my classroom… whereupon I find most of the class barging past me to freedom.

I begin waving my arms about like a shepherd trying to guide the sheep into the pen to finish a sheepdog trial saying “Can you go back into the classroom please! Can you go back in please- I’ve got the register now…” I manage to get back in all but four of them and set about taking the register in as calm a manner as I could manage i.e. flustered and wobbly.

Midway through the tutor arrives, and stands next to me radiating unimpressed-ness. When I finish I tell him that we are missing four pupils and reel off their names. He thanks me and then turns to face his class. “Do none of you have a shred of human decency? Whenever Miss or myself is taking the register you will be silent. Your behaviour today is totally unacceptable.”

So that night in bed I lay awake thinking about the day ahead and my encounter with my form, and I awoke early to uneasy thoughts of the approaching morning registration. It went well, and I got to do some shouting. Result. Let’s hope the early waking is an infrequent event; making my merry way into the realms of depression would not be good.

I have an awful lot of work to be getting on with, so spending two evenings awaiting a visit from nobody and a day internet trawling was time very well spent. I even considered solo drinking to have some fun. I lack for the fun.

God Bless the video function on my digital camera. I have discovered that I don’t look half as bad as I imagined. I can actually see what potential bone-jumpers see- I’ve got legs. Bit of work on my upper body (or a new containment device) and a glittering career in pornography surely beckons. Yea.

I finally saw Giant over the weekend- Exceptional. I loved the actors, the light and colour, the way the camera slowly moves and the way the scenes were set. My first real taste of Taylor and Dean and Hudson. Must buy.

I also ate 8 bags of crisps over the weekend, as well as getting drunken and introducing a friend to the joys of Firefly. Jayne was even more funny than I remembered, although that could have been the alcohol. Naw.

Off to see it again Thursday. Oooo.

So why am I looking for Serenity merchandise? Jayne doll!!

Not necessarily Safe For Work: When i’m bored I like to trawl underwear shops and drool over the goodies advertised within. I used to go ga-ga over AP, but I think they’re somewhat overpriced and over-rated; they have nice styles but they are nowt special. Also, their stuff seems to be just ridiculously tiny- if i’m buying a pair of knickers I want some coverage, otherwise I would be buying a thong. I am not a fan of those instruments of genital trauma. Big pants for me please.

I am a fan of corsets and FairyGothMother has a really nice selection of gear, with some fabulous voluminous skirts. If I had money and a willing victim/reason I would love to rock the corset/petticoat-skirt combo.

Axfords and Vollers are traditional UK manufacturers of off-the-peg corsets and have a good range of very lovely styles. Nice pictures too. If you type in the code for the corset you are interested into the search engine of your choice you can usually find what you’re after cheaper somewhere else. The best corsets come from the US- we lack for the custom-made over here in Blighty. However, FairyGothMother is good in that you can go and try on anything you like to make sure it fits; one of my corsets requires me to have a larger rack than I currently possess, and I figure it is cheaper to buy another corset rather than a new pair of tits.

Then there’s Myla, who have very nice stuff. Out of my price range, but sophisticated and beautifully put together. Same goes for Coco-de-Mer who are unashamably aiming for the high-flying gals out there with a large disposable income. They have a really delightful pair of knickers, the “Strumpet & Pink Little Bow Peep” which I am quite taken with:

What Katie Did have really nice hoisery and knickers (including a cheaper version of the tail pants from Coco-de-Mer). A well-chosen pair of stockings can add a lot to an outfit in both style and titilation factors. I like colourful, interesting undies and I hope in those at least I have taste.

Ouch… Tattoo-Induced Skin Burn During MR Imaging

A Year 7 class had the task of writing about themselves in an illustrative manner. One of the subjects was “Things I Like” and in one memorable example it was “cash and orcs”…

My cousin got engaged today and I am so very happy for her. Her To-Be is honestly one of the nicest individuals i’ve ever met and they’ve been through so much together it is truely heartening. They deserve all happiness.

I always find it amazing that people commit to such a thing as marriage; to my mind it’s such a huge step. I find it hard to imagine myself getting hitched, although I can tell you what food I want at the party. Maybe I find my getting married-off unbelievable due to low self-esteem, but I’d like to think it’s because no-one would be able to handle me.

One of my great fears is that I will be with someone who loves and cares for me most of the time but then belittles and abuses me at other times. I fear this because I look at my Mother and my Father and compare their relationship to my previous non-relationship. I am really scared that when I devote myself to someone I will then get walked all over because I am too good-hearted and thus weak to speak up. I think there may be certain people who can see the goodness inside of others and are attracted to that goodness, but then take advantage of it and ride roughshod over the feelings, desires and hopes of the other. I see this in my parents and I don’t want to be like my Mother. I don’t want to keep feeling like i’ve done something wrong when I try and stick up for myself or refuse to be manipulated by others.

I lack confidence in myself when it comes to relationships; I find it very difficult to let people get close to me, especially physically intimate. Sometimes I wish I could grow the courage to have a one-night-stand just so I could get over my fear of the other, the unknown. This may be another reason I can’t imagine me being someone’s wife; I find almost everything relationship/sex-related incredibly difficult to deal with. I am so shy- my first kiss was a rather traumatic milestone passed at the age of 20 and (alcohol-induced incidents aside) have yet to kiss anyone else.

When I was a teenager I was socially backward, preferring to sit out the “get pissed and pull” parties my friends attended and if I did go, I was always wearing the wrong thing or left feeling completely lost. I was not one of the shiny butterflies catching the eyes of the boys; I was the awkward girl, the one who sat in a corner with her non-alcoholic beverage dressed in jeans and a waistcoat (forgive me fashion police).

I still find it hard to deal with the idea of me being a “sexual being,” and so find it hard to believe anyone would take a fancy to me, having severe difficulties saying what I want when in a relationship or a sexual situation. I find it difficult to articulate problems, desires etc unless I am convinced the other party is completely understanding so they naturally think from my silence everything is a-ok. Then I get resentful and pissed-off and everything goes to shit and the other party gallops over me, crushing me in the way galloping seems to wont.

Sometimes I want to put some moves on someone but out of crushing fear I cannot; and if they put any moves on me I am scared so I end up screwing it up. So I am everyone’s friend but no-one’s partner in crime. When I’m tired, emotional or tired and emotional it all comes out and I start getting seriously lonesome and begin to ponder what the hell I am doing. Oh yeah, then I write it out for strangers to flick through during their lunch hour.

Then maybe I am just unlucky, and maybe if I manage to capture the heart of someone who is an equal and who will care for me as much as I care for them, I might end up with a society-defined token of commitment upon my finger. My Mother would be proud.

I want a cake made entirely out of doughnuts please.

Word of the day: Fanwank

I currently have an intense tension headache caused by trying not to cry for 2 hours. Well, 119 minutes to be exact; I saw Serenity today and it was good. Nervewracking, funny, tragic, exciting, painful. Not perfect, but I need to see it again and when I say need I mean in a desperate kinda way.

I would be interested to hear from anyone who hasn’t sat through the series and their opinion on Serenity; I have a few issues with the portrayals in the film because I feel like I have a sort of ownership over the characters and feel like I know how they’d react in certain situations. So when they deviate from this I get a bit confused. Requires a second sitting to figure out. Maybe I can push the boat out to thirds.

I sat with my hand over my mouth or near my face for a good proportion of the film; the violence is pretty shocking. I don’t shock easy either, but there were quite a few instances where I thought “that’s just not right”. I was apprehensive on the River being a martial arts genius front, but the arse-kicking was mighty impressive from everyone involved, especially Summer Glau and Chiwetel Ejiofor. Best i’ve seen in quite a while.

“Been more’n a year since I had anything twixt my nethers didn’t run on batteries!”
“I don’t want to hear that!”
“I could stand to hear a little more.”

Yeah, still lovin’ the Jayne… but I couldn’t spot the cunning headgear. What appeared to be a darker hat but not his Ma’s. And what’s up with the Hollywoodization of the cast- Most seeming to be thinner, more tanned and sorta glam. I think Jayne could do with putting on some of the bulk he had a few years back on Firefly; he seemed to have buffed up but dropped some weight at the same time. I like tall, well-built men (girth is good). Gah.

I’ve had a couple of cups of tea, a couple of plates of food and done some thinking, and I feel a little better. Thanks to browsing Wikipedia I now crave a massage; my first one at that. In my non-relationship I gave good massage (feedback was positive) and I would always feel jealous of my victim as they lay snoring post-massage. No, they never offered. I am quite a tactile individual and it goes the other way too; I love being touched and having a little TLC lavished upon me.

It’s kinda dorky but a good massage (preferably performed by an intimate) is one of my greatest desires.

People complain I am too complex to ever fully understand but in some ways I have very simple needs. All you need to do is just think and be considerate, and you might get a little further into my supposedly warped psyche. I am considered weird by new acquaintances, and to be honest I revel in this weirdness but I’m pretty much like most other inhabitants of this big rock. I just have lots of things going on inside my head.

A day in school and associated trip to Tate Modern (8am-10pm) left me shattered and several grams heavier courtesy of Los Amorales by Carlos Amorales and Lucha Libre: Masked Superstars of Mexican Wrestling. I got to make my first lino cut (of a lucha mask) too. ¡Sexo y violencia!

Then eleven glorious uninterrupted hours in bed before being made to feel furious by the behaviour of someone I really shouldn’t get worked up over. I wasn’t bothered at first because it was just another example of their standard operating procedure but the more the afternoon progressed, the more the anger built up.

I would like to state that I am a non-violent person. I have only ever hit whilst wearing boxing gloves and in a controlled situation. Usually any anger I feel is turned inwards or taken out in rants or assaults of inanimate objects (walls, lockers etc). In the past I have used self-harm as a form of emotional punishment to deal with the supression. Just hurting myself and no-one else.

I never wanted to inflict myself upon the angst-inducing individual in question; I tended to crumple into tears or internalize all the anger. As you can see I’m bucking that trend here (I haven’t spoken to said person). There have been times however which I remember very well when I’ve wanted to attempt to beat the shit out of someone (or at least land a nice left) and I’ve just been so very very mad I’ve struggled to keep myself under control:

1. One particular time my father criticised and humiliated me whilst seated at the family dinner table. I remember my face burning with indignation and the texture of the tasteless salad and potatoes in my numbed, dry mouth. I thought about picking up the pepper grinder next to me and hitting him in the head.

2. I hated history lessons at secondary school and would put minimal effort into any homework set. One lesson the teacher called me up to her desk at the front of the class and told me that my work had been continuously unsatisfactory and that I would be getting a detention so I could do the work after school. Again with the upwelling of anger, burning face and dry mouth. I floated back to my desk and whilst my friends quietly consoled me I proceeded to bite my biro in half.

3. Due to the tube being slow I was a half-hour late for my appointment at Into You. I consequently thought I had blown my deposit and my booking and felt a nearly overwhelming urge to attempt to punch out the tube train’s window.

4. The Lippy incident

Most of these incidents have involved humiliation (usually public) and a deep sense of injustice and perceived unfairness. I have had ample excuse to work stiff but damn it, I’m just too good-natured.

Alternate Wrestling Glossary

So government money has been allocated towards a Prince album, the Firefly box set and Full Metal Jacket. Cue manic laughter. Ha ha ha.

Damn it. I was reading about possible Jayne’s hat cameos in Serenity and accidentally read about the two Big Damn Deaths. Cue me clapping my hand over my mouth in horror and feeling sad. Which after inexplicably weeping last night whilst in bed listening to Raspberry Beret I really don’t need.

It was quite odd; the music was so filled to bursting with joy and I was happily singing along and then it seemed to overwhelm me and I felt tears running down my cheeks and seeping underneath my headphones. I do have a few songs that make me well up for no good reason so I guess the emotion contained within the music gets to me sometimes; it doesn’t have to be just due to the lyrics.

E-Bow The Letter or Underwater Love anyone? Never mind the songs where the lyrics are actually upsetting- I’m Having The Time of My Life is a stone-cold killer. I couldn’t roll over to sob either due to the headphones acting like stabilisers to my head. Just had to lie there and take it horizontal, like, whilst wondering what the hell was going on. Not so much, please.

Just got to focus on the pretty, without devoting too much time thinking about their nice upper arms. Then I’ll start feeling… lonesome…

Oh wait. I feel kinda alone on the prairie already, so I’ll just keep on keeping on. Yeah, cozying up in the well-formed arms of an imaginary paramour. Shiny.

I’ve just finished watching the box set of Firefly (kindly lent to me by McCy) and I think I am going to have to be spending some government money on getting that ‘lil baby for myself. For many reasons. The humour, the action, the allll sorts of pretty on the screen.

Horror of horrors I have another inappropriate squirm-inducing male to add to my list of lovelies. With a girl’s name too. Although I would like to say that I liked him before, and that it’s just the exposure thats led to him being on my radar at the moment. And I like Mr Tudyk even more now, having found his acting and wonderfully assymetric face a joy since A Knight’s Tale.

I caught a trailer for Serenity a couple days ago and I got excited. Also, thanks to the easter egg on the dvd I now have an urge to make me a nice wool-free Cunning Hat. Or this one for dummies. Or maybe this one. I already have a beloved earflap hat and I can’t wear wool, or knit very well for that matter. Plus I have other more important things to be doing right now.

I’ll be in my bunk.