Monthly Archives: February 2006

A day spent sleeping late, laughing whilst listening to Jonesy and X.Ray and fashion critiquing the Turin hockey finalists (Sweden’s jerseys are cooler); generally passed feeling wonderfully relaxed and comfortable. Thinking about my thinness as I rest a hand on my stomach, staring up at the ceiling whilst propped on my bed. Thinking…

Hmmm…

Recalling how suprised I was when I got rammed into front door, and how I made an excellent thud as I crashed into it… That my glee was somewhat excessive as I watched Ash grin into the gore as he sliced up shemps…

That the unusual tactic of complimenting me to stop me ranting is ineffective… Wondering when The Monster is leaving the country… That it is unusual and rather nice to have someone appreciate me once in a while… and that a riot to be around I may be but the emotional straightjacket I model makes me kinda sad.

Sigh.

Back to thinking of dirty Ash…

I am busty as well as feisty. I mean, *busty*? Moi? I’m thin so this B cup stands out. Apparently. I disagreed somewhat with the busty/thin statements- An evening with MW#1. Two bottles of wine and a multitude of innudendo later and my grand exit is me being pinned up against the door. Most exciting.

Next time I should start laying the smacketh down earlier on in the evening.

Thinking about it, I am always at a disadvantage when up against MW#1- Okay, male vs. female, but I mean squashed into the sofa, pinned up against the door- not an equal playing field.

After two glasses of wine I am considering scenarios to insert myself under MW#1’s blanket because a) I am a little chilled b) I desire squish-style intimacy. Good idea? Not so much.

In other news, I am excited to learn that I will be able to watch Wrestlemania live as I am fortuitously on my Easter break. Huzzah.

In the past week I have watched TNA Against All Odds, RVD One Of A Kind, Evil Dead II and Good Night and Good Luck. Christian has a hot wife, but still no arse; RVD has actually been doing the same moveset for around about 10 years. Good Night, and EDII were fine films in differing ways: Clooney’s effort was very good indeed and it was a delight to visit the cinema to watch a black and white film- the beauty of cigarette smoke curling through the air, the fun of characters asking each other to “pick the blue tie”. Beautifully shot, impeccably acted and thought provoking. Not entirely sure George deserves all the nominations he’s been picking up for his role.

I would say this is second after Walk The Line for goodness and enjoyment as opposed to Brokeback Mountain, which I have to say I did not find very satisfying, and I hold Sense and Sensibility in very high regard.

EDII gloriously gory- why did Ash have to wipe himself clean of the gore? Why Baby, Why? I squirmed on the sofa all evening, giggling at the “Toolshed!” and “Groovy” remarks and the Campbell eyebrow. If he and the Rock squared off, I think Campbell would win. Mmm…

Geeky fun from WFMU’s Beware of the Blog: Using Google Earth to find famous film locations

Serenity recap on TWoP that sums up elegantly why Jayne is woefully served in the Big Damn Movie:

“Because he’s the Mel Gibson in this movie, we lose a lot of the moral ambiguity that made this character bearable in the show. I would have to say that my chief disappointment with this film has to do with the focus on him, and stripping down of him, as some kind of gonzo Hollywood meathead, because it’s just one joke over and over:

‘Hey, he’ll eat the last chocolate out of the box and he won’t even apologize! Seriously! And then he might masturbate! He likes guns! And also your chocolates, of which he will eat the last without apologizing! He has some questions, if you’d like to explain a bunch of basic shit to the audience, via him! He also has guns!’

His bastardy is pointless in this context, because he’s usually the dark half of Mal, the “what would you do, where is your line,” and in this movie, that role is played by…Mal.”

All good, but then what the fuck does this mean:

“And yeah, ‘brave new world with such people on it,’ but also, ‘daughter of a wizard who controls the whole world, playing everyone like chess, because he’s trying to teach them how to think.’ To elevate them from their sinful, base impulses, to a life of pure reason and control.

It was on Ariel that River died away, locked in a cloven pine, and reawakened with her powers, as a tool of the Alliance, restored. Where Jayne revealed himself again as a creature without higher purpose, without self-forged belief beyond the acquisition of pleasure and riches, not honored with a human shape, a creature of the world, a savage without the nobility of his fellow savages, and was nearly judged with death by the Captain, and earlier, by his victim River herself.”

Wha?

McCy has very kindly bought me If Chins Could Kill by Bruce Campbell. It’s one of those books that has floated on the periphery of my conciousness that i’ve always meant to buy. When I unwrapped it I was very very pleased and for the last couple of days have proceeded to devour it whenever i’ve a spare moment.

With Bruce on the brain I have also ordered myself the Evil Dead Trilogy box set. I spent a fevered afternoon trawling for it round town muttering “Bruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell! I must have him!” whilst speed-zombie-walking through the aisles (shouting on occasion).

I remember when I saw my first Evil Dead (III) at a sleepover. I was just beginning to drink alcohol and I remember falling drunkenly asleep to visions of tiiiiny screaming Ashes marauding across the tv screen. Not so good. Anyway, I watched II next and instantly fell in love with Ash. Dirty, bloody, funny, sexy Ash. Gah.

Ahem. I’ve seen Bruce C in only a couple of other things; the most starring role was Bubba Ho Tep, written by one of my favourite authors Joe R. Lansdale. It’s really good and goofy, and appropriately scary, and is a very good adaption of the novel. Bruce’s performance as Elvis is really very good. Apparently the DVD special ed. has commentary from Bruce as Elvis for the entire length of the film. Dedication. Love it.

I also spent time trawling for teacherly clothing- Why the fuck is there seemingly an obsession with shorts at the moment? Who buys the formal shorts? Well, the answer to that is all the girls with too much income and no outgoings apart from makeup and clothing- those 13 year old Sienna Miller wannabes. Eugh.

They make me so fucking mad. For example- When I’m in Boots browsing the Rimmel section thinking that paying over six quid for mascara is ridiculous, gaggles of loudly giggling lolitas are browsing (and buying) Benefit. Please, please girls can you give me the money you are going to fritter away on shit that is inappropriate and that you most certainly do not need so I can spend it on things like books, food etc.

I know they spend their time scouting Primark but when you estimate what their outfits must cost they have faar too much to spend. Oh and when you can’t find your size on the rail but there are loads and loads of size 6’s. Like go shop somewhere else bitches and leave Topshop to the grown ups. If you can be grown up and shop there. Of course I am a grown up- I find myself laughing when I see groups of stick thin teens all wearing leggings parading up and down the mall.

All I wanted was an above the knee black skirt, not too long, not too short. I’d see a rail of black skirt-looking objects and go over to take a gander. Nine times out of ten I would be ambushed by shorts. Aaargh. I can’t wear shorts to school, most people can’t wear them to their place of work. So WHY are they EVERYWHERE? A simple black skirt- Is it too much to ask…?

I also spent a lot of time trying on things that I thought looked good/interesting on the rail or on the mannequin only to find that I just looked God-awful in them. It got pretty darned depressing. I tried on a few things that looked quite good, but they were too figure-hugging/transparent/fun for skool. Appropriate for an evening with MW#1, but not really appropriate for Year 9.

So I saw Walk The Line last night. Now I may love Joaquin and think Reese W is a very fine actress but I don’t like country music and although I have tried to like the work of Johnny Cash I have never been able to “get into” it.

That said, Walk The Line was the most enjoyable couple of hours I have spent at the cinema for a long, long time. A fabulous piece of work. I may be biased (Kitten, Reese) but it was an interesting, wonderfully shot film and the music was glorious. And I “got” the music- how it relates to everyday life and experiences. I haven’t seen Ray so I can’t compare between the bio-pics. I just know I liked WTL a whole lot.

Kitten didn’t look too bad either.

A great clip from Sesame Street of Martians meeting a telephone…

Yip-Yips meet the telephone
Also Yip-Yips meet a computer

Three nice things happened to me today:

1. As I was driving back from university I got caught in a sunshine snow shower. It was glorious; the sun highlighting the heavy snowflakes as they splatted onto my windscreen, each sodden flake a shining golden streak across the sky.

2. I got back to my room to pick up a lovely voicemail from a buddy wishing me a Happy Valentines Day. Most unexpected, and it brought a big grin to my face.

Thats 25/25 btw.

3. Later on that evening I was walking to the supermarket to satisfy my need for milk (semi-skimmed 4pints) and bread (Tiger Chest 800g) when I saw a frog sitting on the pavement. Just sitting there next to a lavender bush.

I bent down to look at it and said “Hello Mister Frog!” as I was quite suprised to see a frog on the pavement. He just sat in the sodium light and glistened silently in reply.

I said goodbye to the frog and proceeded to talk to myself as I wandered along in the dark, pondering aloud where frogs go for winter (apparently in drystone walls, at the bottom of ponds)… Mister Frog was not there when I walked back.

Things like Mister Frog, snowshine showers and unexpected kindness make me very happy.

Thanks Patrick! I love you too.

Why do I feel like i’ve just been kicked in the chest? Wheeziness, weirdness, tightness. Perhaps my cold, blackened heart is finally giving in just in time for Valentines day.

Or maybe it just might be beneficial for me to get some rest. Hmm.

My blanket is calling me… but then again so are 2,000 words. Goddamn it.

MonMouth on the art of the dirty email (and sending them to unusual targets such as a knitting blogger):

Dear Amelia,

I have attached a pattern for your pleasure (see attached “hard-cock-pattern.jpg “). I drew it from a photograph I took of my erect cock while I masturbated, agonizingly slowly, over the fuchsia and teal hearts pattern you demonstrated last week.

The other photo (“riding.jpg”) is just me, wearing my yellow cardigan on horseback. It was a lovely day, but a bit windy so I should have worn my anorak, but I wanted to show off the asymmetrical neckline. Also, the feel of the argyle pattern on my bare skin was so erotic that I had trouble concealing my erection as I dismounted at the end of the ride.

yours,

Mon

So I’ve finished my sculpture based on a 2D work of art. However, although I have 3000 words to write before Tuesday I have spent the day so far watching the men’s alpine event online and going through the entire limited ed. Barbie collection . I quite like Nite Lightning Stacey. Apparently Ken might make a move on Barb over VD- he’s rockin’ a motocross jacket and new chiselled physique (she’s been dating some beach boy for the last few years). Also browsed the luxury gift section of FAO Schwarz and costed up a zebra rocking horse (approx. £3,800).

I have also been reading about the fine art of babywearing (who knew?), browsing babyslings and marvelling at the absurd variety of products/clothes/etc. you can buy for your baby.

Those evil Bugaboos. I swear, some of the sites are baby porn. No, not in that way- I mean in a cult-of-the-child way. Why the fuck do you need to buy an All Terrain Pushchair? The vast, vast majority of people buy them for fashion reasons, not practicality purposes. Just like 4×4 vehicles. Some people might say- “Oh, I need one to go blading with little Plum/Chardonnay/Henry…” Whatever. Is it safe for you push a pram at high speed through a busy park? What happens if you fall over? Elliot Ness will not rush to save your out-of-control baby carriage whilst you career towards the pond. I don’t care how good a skater you are. What’s wrong with walking? A bit of contact with your sprog?

Oh and don’t get me started on baby names. Given my current geographical location I have an unusual name and although it has caused me woe throughout my life I am very glad to have it. I hate the current trend for “old fashioned” names such as Jessica, Sophie, Joshua, Henry, and the trend of the birth name being the shortened version. Not Billy- William. Frankie? Francis.

Yes, it would be nice to have some variety of offspring at some point, but I like to think I am far too cynical (i.e. reasonable) to get swept up into the world of £700 pushchairs and the collective hysteria about kids there seems to be these days. Your life has to change when you have kids but the constant parade of mini-dictators I see who spend their time moulding their parents to their desires pisses me off. Apparently there’s a new trend in a nearby local authority of kids at nursery being allowed to eat, drink, play etc. whenever they want to. No set times, just as they feel.

What happens when these kids leave and go to school? Even go home each day? Routine and rules give stability and comfort and are important for decent future functioning out in the world. Kow-towing to every demand seems very very wrong and to invite future problems.

Mind you, I did quite like a black cotton baby beanie with skull and crossbones I saw on one of the child cult sites. No pink/blue classificiation for any child of mine. Piracy. Unisex.

Super cool site- Arcade games such as Pong, Asteroids etc only miniscule; about a centimentre of screen size… ::guimp::

I read on the BBC about the unfortunate case of a 15 year old overdosed with radiation as part of her cancer treatment. Human error. Anyway, the thing that struck me is the line:

“Staff concerned with the incident are said to be extremely distraught.”

Extremely distraught? Can you be such a thing? Distraught says it all- do you really need the extremely? Maybe it’s because I’m feeling ill and grumpy that this caught my eye, or maybe it’s just in my nature. I feel this excessive language devalues what the author is trying to say, and all this hyperbole seems to be oozing out of the tabloids and into general useage.

Perhaps it’s due to the society we live in- Everything is New! Improved! The Answer To All Your Problems! The quick fix to all ills without lifting a finger or exercising a brain cell.

Also- What’s with news readers using the word big instead of large? As in “there’s been a big oil spill…” “there have been big increases…” Large. Not big. Large.

Media Hype
Missing White Women Syndrome
Deviancy Amplification Spiral

Monkey helpers for the disabled: Helping Hands

Impressive woman seeks a cast for Return of The Jedi themed orgy