untitled by daarkfire
Yay. I have just been ambushed by another thing to add to my worries… and something that has potentially much more impact on my life than my ability to pay my bills.
It’s a question about commitment. I am not selfish enough to think that I am the only thing to sway your judgement on this issue but…
Do I matter that much? Am I that important? Would your life be the same without me?
(don’t worry avid readers this is not a cry for help, it’s directed towards someone in particular)
I would guess that the most probable answers to all three are NO.
I mean, if you can’t commit to me for a weekend, can I really expect you to commit to the country I live in? Isn’t it all pointless anyway if you can’t commit to me?
In all this newly stirred-up angst is the deeply illogical part of me that aches and pines and knows that it all makes no sense and is totally stupid but also knows very well that it would be like a part of my life was torn away from me. I’d heal, eventually, but i’d carry the scars and they’d hurt.
This is *exactly* why I never ask for anything. I never presume to get a hug when i’m next to someone (I just sort of curl up and hope) even though it’s the thing I most long for because I know that one day that person won’t roll over and hold little uncommunicative me. When I am unsure if it’s okay to stroke their hair they won’t encourage me, they’ll just lie there and snore.
It’s like i’m eternally bracing myself to be let down/left behind/forgotten. I knew this day would come. I know i’m never that important.
Bed and lots and lots of hugging Patrick. You’ll never leave me, will you Patrick? Well, you will probably sort of dissolve into a mass of stuffing. I’ll cry over you that day too, my little inanimate friend…
