This morning in a corner of my sleeping brain I found myself on the terrace of a grand hotel where it was, apparently, the day before my wedding. I was feeling confused and upset it seemed because amongst the cream teas I had just been told off by my sister (actually Caversham Princesses’) because I had upset my Mum (actually someone i’d never seen before) by writing the wrong thing in a pre-nuptial Thank You card.
My Other Mother stormed off furious and my Fake Sister harangued me for my lack of understanding. I began to cry and ran through the trellises and into the main building. Then I was walking along corridors trying to find something. I found a room of teenage girls playing dress up and makeover who all recognised me as I coldly muttered “Out” at them as I stood in the doorway. They asked if I was okay and whether perhaps I’d got the wrong room? This rang a bell and so off I wandered.
The corridors were decorated in shades of grey and every so often there was a more open area with white walls. Then I was walking into a suite towards the sound of someone’s voice and I felt relief wash over me. There he was (apparently), My Man and husband-to-be, sprawled in a black leather chair as he made a phone call.
Man was dressed in dark grey shorts, a grey ribbed t-shirt and a navy dressing gown and for some reason a slouchy beanie. Which was dark grey. He had blue-grey eyes, a strong jawline, stubble and strong shoulders but not such a broad chest; his skin was tan in a weather beaten sort-of-way and the hair on his good forearms was a mix of salt-and-pepper. He looked up at me as I came in and gave me a wave as he twisted back and forth on the chair; he smiled and gestured as he talked. He sounded North American of some flavour.
I crawled under the curly phone cord and into his lap where I curled up and played with a fraying edge of his gown as I waited for him to get off the phone. I put my head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat and the sound of his speech moving through his body; in between gestures he ran his fingers through my hair and I felt myself relax a little.
I was not crying and had entered into the “grump” stage of upset. He put the phone down.
“Hey Sweetheart, what’s up?” I twisted around in his lap to look at him and he planted a kiss on the end of my nose. He smelled manly man.
“Oh, Mum is upset cos of this fucking card I wrote and I don’t know what to do!” We continued to gently swivel left and right. “And _________ had a go at me for being ‘so fucking inconsiderate’… Arrrgh!” I balled my fists up and bounced them up and down in anger.
“Listen, you are getting married tomorrow. They can’t be pissed at you for long, can they?”
“No… I guess not…” I sighed. I still felt rather small and upset about everything.
“Right-” he moved to get up and I had to extricate myself –
“I think you could do with some skin time. Come on…” He grinned as he took me by the hand and led me into the bedroom. Lots of white linen ahoy. It is a hotel after all.
He slid his beanie off to reveal close-cropped black hair that had a little grey in it here and there; he stripped off and slid under the sheets, holding them open when I had finished undressing. We squished together and as we held each other I noticed how pale my skin was in comparison to his. He stroked my hair and we lay silently for a while; I felt calmer and rather warm and fuzzy and was on the verge of drifting off when he rolled me a little closer and planted a kiss on my forehead.
“Feeling better now worrier?”
“Yesh…” I slurred.
“Good…. You know you don’t need to worry so much.”
“I know…”
“I’m your backup. Radio for help at any time.”
“I know… I know you’re here for me, but I can’t help but worry about stuff. It’s just how I am.” He slid a hand down onto my stomach.
“You worry about things like this supposedly “generous” stomach – I see a stomach that’s perfectly designed to rest my hand on, that feels good, that I love, just like the rest of you” I inwardly squee’d with delight. “Well, maybe not the snot monster you can be…” I poked him in mock anger and he grinned as he flinched.”Tomorrow i’m going to marry you. I want to spend my life with you. You don’t need to worry.”
I felt a burst of happiness flood my chest. He leant in to kiss me
and then I woke up. Hello Patrick.
