Monthly Archives: July 2015

The car actually passed its MOT without spending further money on it – what a relief. I budget for fixing MR T but I know that, as he’s getting on a bit, something diabolical could happen and then i’m spending more than the car is worth to fix it.

Adding to the positivity, I appear to have fallen proper in love again with artmaking. I’ve eased off the relentless Lucha Underground and Funhaus/Inside Gaming/Achievement Hunter watching and have started to seriously research, think and make. Even went to an actual library.

A week after breaking up, I think I am more relaxed now – not stressed about work, leaving etc. I do have it in the back of my mind – I have a lot to plan for September – but the focus now is on my course assessment, experimenting and making connections. Good times.

This weekend i’m off to see the McQueen exhibition at the V&A before it closes; as it’s so busy, me and an (ex!) colleague are going at 2.15am on Sunday morning :D Looking forward to it!

Hmm. This is an unpleasant development – studying a map for artmaking purposes and i’m ever-so-gently freaking out; I can feel anxiety gnawing at my insides and something slowly crawling beneath the skin on my neck and chest. All from looking at a map and remembering.

Maybe I need a cup of tea.

And a cry.

Desert Island by Edgar Barany C [CC]

…of the Summer break. Actually quite productive.

Made Greek yoghurt pancakes (NYT recipe by Melissa Clark) that turned out pleasingly thick and pillow-y; however, on a slightly less positive note they were a bit on the salty side :/ This might have been due to my what-the-fuck-Americans-why-do-you-use-cups conversions and downsizing for one, and I found that sugar and lemon helped the situation, so it wasn’t a total waste of two eggs.

Hmm looking again at the recipe, I think my error was using salted instead of unsalted butter. Oh well.

Must buy Maple syrup.

When I wasn’t making salty pancakes I spent the day writing and refining a proposal to use a new art space in town as a studio for a week, which, although a lengthy process with nearly no chance of resultant success, it was worthwhile in that it got me to think very carefully about what my work is about, and helped me clarify the why behind the work. Important shit.

Also did some washing up. Booked car in for service and MOT. And. Finally booked in a contact lens check-up (it’s only four months overdue). Just a smear test to go (about six months overdue) and I will be fully caught up on all the shit I have put off doing because life.

Oh to be on holiday.

Well, I did have a glass of wine with lunch today. Exotique.

Last day at my current workplace tomorrow! I’d type a bajillion exclamation marks to express my relief but I am morally opposed to such things.

I’ve learnt a hell of a lot thanks to the experience and generosity of my colleagues and I will miss them – or at least the majority of them – but i’m sure the kids will get on just fine without me. There’s loads of lovely kids that I will very much regret leaving behind, but also a shed load who I will be very, very glad to shout “Bye bye you loser fucks!!” – in my head – as I drive out the school gates. I won’t miss the grades and data-obsessed high-pressure culture of my school… oh, wait. My new school is maths and science über alles? Oh… Well, at least the rage will be expressed in a new environment :/

2007 seems like a lifetime ago. My classroom has been gutted, filing cabinets stripped, space in the office cleared. Still quite a few hours of tidying to do tomorrow but I am nearly home free. The flat is a fucking disaster zone (yes even more than normal) with piles of books, files etc. from work dumped in strategic piles here, there and everyfuckingwhere.

No more shitty commuting! Will be able to save a lot of cash thanks to me either walking (20mins), biking (mostly off-road bikepath to the new job) or (lazily) driving. Leia Ewok Village suggested that I should put the money towards taking up Pilates again; I am horribly unfit and getting more than a little soft in the midsection, so perhaps this can be something to do over the break.

When i’m not drinking wine, watching wrestling or people doing GTA heists on YouTube.

I am cultured.

Overdosing on the rain this Sunday afternoon; it’s chucking it down outside and i’m playing a YouTube rain loop inside to try and drown out the sound of the traffic sloshing along the street outside my flat.

Yesterday at uni went well – lovely to see people and catch up with them. We talk art, work, life and eat cake. We complain a lot. Pretty great :) The feedback I got on my work as it is at the moment was helpful and positive – at the end of August I will have to do a ten minute presentation to my tutors, presenting some work and explaining the connections between things and the reasoning behind my creative choices. All very interesting and exciting/scary!

Double rain, Summer approaching and a dose of the end-of-term fed-ups has led me to think about Petrichor. It’s been two years now, and, with no-one comparable (or better) to make an entrance in my life, there’s still a sadness that flares up from time-to-time. This hasn’t been helped by recent events…

ThatFuckingWriterGuy – tl;dr Led me on, stole one of my favourite shirts, ghosted on me. I’m pretty angry. It’s shit like this from supposed adults that just adds to my cynicism about dating and relationships. When did ghosting become acceptable? CHRIST.

I had a moment of clarity on Friday evening – drinking a glass of wine, sat in my underwear in front of my laptop – I was laughing at a comedy spot on Lucha Underground, and I thought, I am so very content and happy right now… Leading a quiet life, making art, learning, watching wrestling, seeing friends, travelling every now-and-then is where it’s at.

Not being disappointed. The fucking novelty.

So I watch wrestling and snuggle under my blanket. Maybe I need to get married to art, a la a bride of Christ? Non-virginal of course hahaha.

Christ. Two weeks to go now, and I can feel the likelihood of me coming home, locking the front door and weeping increases as the days go by.

I need to draw a line in the sand and go, no, I can’t do that actually as I need to focus on readying my room for the person taking over, or tidying my space in the office as I will be fucking leaving soon. BUT. It’s academic mentoring, markingmarkingmarking, writing appraisal stuff, going to an exit interview…

Oh, and teaching.

Departmental exhibition private view tomorrow evening, then a visit to my new school after work on Thursday. Looking forward to leaving my current place, but problems at the new one, so I can’t say i’m particularly looking forward to my new post. OH YAY. Plan is not to spend any of the danger money i’m going to get for leading the department, at least not for the first few months; I am concerned that the new post might be the shortest promotion of all time.

The weekend brings a trip to Oxford and uni stuff; will be lovely to see everyone and catch up – haven’t done enough work as is usual. Sigh. Motivation.

Adding to my annoyances are my parents who keep asking what i’m doing over the Summer, despite me already explaining that i’m going to need to do uni work and prepare for my new classes, and how i’m concentrating on getting to the end of term as that is all I can deal with at the mo. I’m going to ask them to stop asking. I don’t have the money to go anywhere far away, yet holidays in the UK seem to be so fucking pricey.

I need a hot shower/holiday/hug/to curl up with someone/curl up in a hole

but first I must go to bed.